|"You've been lawyered, Delta (or American Express)."| On the (surprisingly) brilliant CBS sitcom of "How I Met Your Mother" (hereafter HIMYM), one of the characters, Marshall, a law student at Columbia, is a fan of pointing out the logical flaws in the statements or claims of his friends and then, when he bests them (with what I think are often weak arguments, but whatever), he says,"Lawyered," or "You've been lawyered." Now, despite the other law school-related fallacieson HIMYM (you can't [AND WOULDN'T] walk out of a law school exam to take a phone call [from a girl you've gone on two dates with who might be crazy], there is no way you'd be given a pop quiz in Con Law AND then have it graded and returned to you the very same day, and everyone knows how much first-year associates at top law firms in NYC make—it's no secret and there's no negotiating it), this is something that they got right. Since starting law school, I've become much more particular about ways things are expressed, words that are used and rules that are laid out. Even going so far as to read the "Additional terms and conditions" on the back of offers and promotions that I get in the mail. Yesterday I received an offer from Delta for a Gold (ooh la la indeed!) Skymiles credit card with Amex. "By applying... you can receive an E-Coupon for 15% off one round-trip domestic ticket and can add as many as 17,500 more miles to your account." I had JUST realized earlier yesterday afternoon that I'm going to be doing A LOT of traveling in 2008 (Austin, TX; Costa Rica; Paris [or London or Hong Kong]; possibly Montana; Utah; and San Francisco at least), so the eerily prescient timing of the offer had me intrigued. I turned the paper over to read the additional terms: 2. ... When used according to its terms, this eCoupon entitles the user to a one time 15% dicousnt from the otherwise applicable published fare for tickets purchased between January 15, 2008 and April 15, 2008. All travel must be completed by April 15, 2008... 5. Tickets must be purchsed using this eCoupon and must be purchased at delta.com on a round-trip basis no later than 11:59p.m. eastern time, April 15, 2008... Surely I can't, in the sixty seconds between 11.59pm April 15, 2008 and 12.00am April 16, 2008, purchase a round trip ticket, get on the plane to a destination, and make my connecting return flight back to where I started, can I? So I called American Express. Actually, I called the number that was supplied for Q&A and signing up, and it just happened to be to Amex instead of Delta. I was transferred from person to person before being told that this was a Delta question and I should really call them. I called Delta, and after being transferred a few times, I was transferred to a Delta Promotions Agent who said, before I'd even explained the issue, "That sounds like an American Express question. I do not have the information to explain this to you." Me: But they already told me to call you and I haven't told you why I'm calling yet. DPA: Oh. Me: Would you like me to tell you why I'm calling before you tell me you can't help me? DPA: Uhm, sure. Me: Okay, I received this offer. [Explained the offer.] And it says that I have to complete travel between January 15 and April 15. DPA: Yes, well the expiration is the expirat— Me: (cut him off because he clearly wasn't listening) BUT later on it says that I have until 11.59pm on April 15 to purchase the ticket. DPA: Yes, well the expiration is the expiration. Me: No, I understand that. The problem here is that you have two effectually conflicting expiration dates. I just want to know which one is controlling. (To be sure, I acknowledge that it's probably the "All travel must be completed by..." term that is controlling and someone may have just been too lazy to figure out an appropriate cut-off deadline for purchasing tickets [even noon on April 15 would allow time to take the flight and return, though the choice of flights might be limited], but I was bored, had nothing better to do [Outlining? Naah!] and kinda wanted to see what I could get to happen.) DPA: Well, you see sir, when you have a companion certificate... Me: What are you talking about? I never said "companion" anything. I'm afraid I don't understand. DPA: A companion certificate is another promotion that we offer that allows you to get an additional ticket at a discount when you purchase a round-trip ticket. Now, if you'd like to hear more about that— Me: That's great, but has nothing to do with me right now. DPA: (sounding frustrated) Yes, but when there's an expiration date, that's the expiration. Me: No, you aren't listening. How can it be that I can purchase a ticket that I don't have the ability to use? Or, how does Delta expect me to take a round trip by April 15 if I have until nearly midnight on April 15 to purchase the ticket? Do you see what I'm saying? DPA: Uhm— Me: Surely, if I can buy the ticket, I must be able to use the ticket. DPA: I need to look at something in order to help you with this. May I place you on hold? Me: Certainly! DPA: Thank you, sir. Ten minutes later the line was disconnected. Lawyered.
I went to an Ivy League undergrad.
I go to a top NYC law school.
I date men (well...).
I live in Bed-Stuy.
I don't need more to say,
just more room to say it.
Etc.