"darling i love you, but give me park avenue." - jivejournal, 08.11.2003 "i had intended my break to be much longer. i have not yet decided if this entry is but a passing fancy, or is my return.
but the institution of posterity demands that i make record of what transpired this evening for tonight... tonight!... august 10th, 2003 at just after 10pm i can say with certainty i officially became a new yorker. the day started like any other sunday. got up. went to work at whole foods. got annoyed by stupid customers, muscular gaies, pretty gaies, coupled gaies, and people who insist on double-bagging their singular muffins. came home. looked for sex. finally had great hot animal sex, after something like two weeks or more without any success. went to josh's. watched sex and the city with josh, pisa, and pisa's two new roommates, kim and jennifer.
and then pisa got the brilliant idea to have the krispy kreme that josh is only blocks from deliver. the idea was pure genius. pisa's a genius. pisa lettibone, girl genius. but, oh! kk doesn't deliver after 8pm. but, they are still open, right? oh!, but they close at ten. legs and arms akimbo, shoes thrust onto feet, out the door, and onto the pavement. we were at kk by ten of ten.
before going in i warned everyone to be quick as they employees would not be happy with us. as they only want to go home. we got in. made our selections. and then josh says something like, 'so, you know, i heard that at the end of the night they put the rest of the donuts on the street. not in the trash, but next to it. if we'd gotten here just minutes later.' and then turns to the kk girl, 'do you guys just put them outside?' and she says that's the case. and then josh turns to us. and then craziness ensues. cut to two gaies a bi girl and two breeder girls waiting outside the kk for the clock to tick just past 10 o'clock pm for the donuts to come out.
would they just throw them out onto the street? would they take them out some back door? does it bother them that we are waiting like vultures for free eats? would they be launched from the roof only to land kaploop! on the windows of the health food store across the street? would the homeless or anarchists who'd been waiting all day for the donuts come strolling by at 10:06 only to find that the bags are full of trash, as we'd absconded with all the baked lardy goodnesses? would they be so kind as to put them in kk boxes?
and then they came. two bags. two mega giant hefty bags. one was trash. one was donuts. OMG. did we just wait five minutes outside a krispy kreme on the uppereast side for donuts placed on the street, by a middle-aged hispanic woman, in a hefty bag? big fat whopping yes. the woman was very kind to tell us which bag contained the pastry gold.
and i carried the bag. no offense to everyone else in the party, but i was obviously in better shape to haul a heavy hefty bag of assorted krispy kreme donuts three downtown blocks and two and a half crosstown blocks. i was very afraid to open the bag and see what was inside. while the bag never touched the ground after we left the kk, it did hit me now and then and i'm sure it hurt the donuts more than me. we got it home. we opened it up. it was like someone had vomited up donuts into a hefty bag and then threw the bag into a giant rock polisher. and then gave the bag to us. but, no, the donuts were largely intact, although flattened and icing mingling here and there. it was a very integrated bag -- very progressive deliciousness.
we ate our paid-for donuts. well, half of them. and then josh got bowls and plates and forks and a soup spoon (for yours truly), we turned on sex and the city on demand, sat back, and dug in. so gross. so delicious. so god awfully bizarre. and were we scheming how to get the donuts in a less destroyed manner next time? yes. did the term radio flyer come up (for the second time this night)? yes. did josh decide and we all agreed that this would make an excellent thing to bring to a party? yes.
and as the evening drew to a close, josh stole the most complete-looking donuts from the bag, we all took some for ourselves to take home, closed up the bag, stepped on the bag to feel the crazy squishiness, opened up the bag to observe the effects of our work, closed the bag one final time, dropped it down the trash shoot and left.
at the bus stop, i looked at my sad little bag of the donuts i'd decided to make off with. came to the conclusion that i just couldn't have another. started to knit. got on the bus that arrived. thought to myself, 'i could sure go for barely constituted krispy kreme right now,' looked to my side, and discovered that i'd left the bag sitting against the pole at the bus stop.
I went to an Ivy League undergrad.
I go to a top NYC law school.
I date men (well...).
I live in Bed-Stuy.
I don't need more to say,
just more room to say it.
Etc.