So, no one asked about it. Although people have been consistently "asking" in general. It was about this time of year two years ago when I really started to spiral out of control and the fact that I could not possibly take any of my midterm exams because I had not been to any of my classes drop-kicked me into the realization that I needed to leave school. Leave school, lacking job, income, savings, and home. I've been very concerned coming into this midterm season that the same might be the case. Kind of like when you know there is a history of Huntington's Disease in your family and around your late 20s you start to question every time you forget your keys or misplace your sunglasses if it's already starting -- if it's too late to stop. Every time I've missed a class this term (more than I had reason to, although not for the most part) or spent all night looking for sex online rather than doing my reading, I immediately began to think that all of my work... the long fucking road getting back here may have been in vain. And that maybe I'm just not capable of handling this, of handling any responsibility, and unable to do what it takes to make my future a reality. Today I took my first midterm and I say with little conceit that I did damn well. I won't be certain until next week, but whereas in the past (when I was sleeping all the time and never doing the reading or going to classes) I feared ID's because being told to "pick 7 out of 10 and write a short paragraph on each, noting the author and the text" meant "do the three covered in the only review session you attended and hope to god that SOMETHING, ANYTHING comes to you before the end of the hour for the remaining FOUR you have to pick!" But today, during my exam, I looked at the ID's, wrote down answers for everyone, and then chose the ones that showed the greatest breadth of the reading to actually put down in the blue book. And as of the end of the essay question, I still had ten minutes to spare in the hour. And I received my first "paper" back this morning. Before handing them back (they are actually do weekly, but this was the first one), the Professor explained the grading. The grades range from 1 to 5, 1 being that you turned something in. While not believing in "only 2 A+'s and 3 A's" and that sort of thing, he does think that the 5's should be limited because 4's are for those who did really good work, but for the kids who go "above and beyond," they should get some sort of reward. He also said that they are only to be 1-2 pages and really emphasized this point. It was then it occurred to me that I did only 2 pages, but single-spaced. It's been so long since I had to turn anything in, so my 2 page paper was more like 3.5 pages. In any case, he handed it back. I turned it over. "Excellent. 5." Excellent. 5.
I went to an Ivy League undergrad.
I go to a top NYC law school.
I date men (well...).
I live in Bed-Stuy.
I don't need more to say,
just more room to say it.
Etc.